Six Sex Positions Based On Horror Films

Halloween is here and it’s time to get your sex on! I won’t waste any of your time, howl at the moon!

Crazy Ex's (In Honor Of Halloween)

with Debbie Simon

Oh, how we love Halloween at Old Un. The matching costumes for couples in love, the scary movies and all the wonderful tricks and treats…it’s all just F-U-N! In honor of Halloween, we are making October ‘Scary Blog Month’. So here are some of our favorite scary stories about Ex’s who just couldn’t quite get over that lost love (or maybe even some ideas for you if you have an ex you would like to send a trick to). Enjoy…

1) Debbie – I dated a man for one year. We were planning our lives together and even bought a home. Suddenly, he started acting distant and irritable. I just couldn’t figure it out. Until I followed him one night. He said he was out with a buddy. Of course he was. He was right at his buddy’s house and there she was. Ashley. I’ve hated that name ever since. Two months later they decided to tie the knot and I decided to send them a nice wedding gift. Everyone likes bacon, right?

2) Kevin – My ex-girlfriend was so pissed off at me for ending it, she went to every church within a 50 mile radius and signed me up for every mailing and email list she could. If I didn’t collect the mail every single day, my mailbox would be so full the postman would take it back to the post office and I would have to go collect it there. Not only that, my phone went nuts with all the calls from the churches wanting to send me bibles and collect money and pray for me. What a bitch!

3) Jen – My boyfriend broke up with me via text. Here is his ‘why’ text... 1) You refuse to update your relationship status on Facebook. 2) You won’t include me in things like the wedding this weekend. I should have been the one to escort you. 3) You are rude to my cat and it makes me uncomfortable. 4) You do not share your time equally and by now your boyfriend should take priority. 5) Your swearing is very unladylike. 6) You won’t disclose how many sexual partners you have had which makes me think it is upward of 3 and anything more than that is unacceptable.

4) Cody – Dumped her. She was flat-out crazy. So she went online and requested an army recruited contact me to sign up. Best six years of my life. Take that you crazy whore!

OK, so all is not lost. If you’ve lost a love there are some really great ways to move forward. So here are a few of our favorites..

1) No contact. No contact. No contact. Reject his/her phone number on your cell. Block him/her on Facebook. Stay away from him/her. Period. Simple to say. Hard to do.

2) Get engaged. Volunteer at a charity you like. Join a hiking club or a social club. There are lots of them on MeetUp. Go find some new people to connect with. It helps.

3) Wallow. Just take 24 hours and wallow all up in the middle of that shit! Cry! Watch sappy movies! Do all of those things that will make it hurt. FEEL it! Then after 24 hours put your damn big girl/boy panties on and move forward! 

4) Do something positive to learn from your experience. OK, I’m going to focus on the girls here, but here is a great video about getting the right mindset to attract what you want. Check it out...

5) Get a new puppy. I know, not everyone is going to agree with me on this one. But if I want to feel better after my dog dies, I’m going to get a new puppy.  F#*K YOU Psychologists, it will definitely make me feel better.

And the last thing that will definitely make you feel better…come see us…because we can make you howl at that Halloween moon in the most amazing ways. With or without a partner.   Happy Halloween Friends!