Sex and the Waiting Game by Debbie Simon

We are asked a lot of interesting questions here at Olde Un…questions about products, positions, even questions about sexual health issues. But one of the most fun questions we receive is about dating…”How long should we date before we have sex?”

Are there rules for this? Let’s explore that concept. But before I go into that I have to state that if there are religious or cultural reasons then by all means, stick to those. This blog is more for the average Jane or Joe, who just wants to figure out what’s proper.

Rules are not a bad thing. And there are as many rules about sex as there are sexual positions. My only rule is trust my instincts. In terms of relationships and sex, there is no right answer. However, there are a lot of variables.

So if you have decided it’s time to take that plunge, ask yourself why. Is your partner putting on the pressure and you’re afraid to lose him/her? Is that person hotter than two bears fighting in a forest fire and you’re horny enough to jump in with them? Has it just been too long? Do you want to stay with them forever and show them how you feel? These are the kinds of questions you can ask yourself, but ultimately, it’s going to come down to trusting your instincts and deciding for yourself, not someone else, whether it’s time to GO FOR IT!

According to Patti Stanger, you should always wait until there is a joint decision on monogamy. There is a long-standing unspoken rule by many men that the third date is when that big event is going to happen. And Steve Harvey writes in his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, to wait at least 90 days before you give it up.

But do the experts know you? Do they know your partner? Have they had a stellar relationship life? Hmmmm, I’m going to say that rules are stupid. As long as you know that sex is an intimate, personal, emotional and powerful act, you have all the tools to make an educated decision on what’s right for you.

The theory about sex that disturbs me the most is the idea that a person can use it as a control or manipulation tool. Either holding out to push or punish your partner or giving it up and making your partner feel guilty later. One of my favorite illustrations of this idea is the song Paradise By The Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf. The struggle is real Friends. 

The most important thing is to know yourself, know your partner, talk about it first, think on it for a bit, then make your choice. And remember, there is no right or wrong decision. All we can ever do is take the information we have at any given moment and make the best decision we can. No matter if it is the first date or the twentieth, if you are with the right person it will all work out in the end. Sex will never, and should never, be the deciding factor in the success of a relationship. If things don’t work out the way you had planned, at least you’ve learned something. And hopefully had a whole lot of fun in the process!

Although we would never claim to be relationship experts here at Olde Un, we DEFINITELY are the experts when it’s time to find something fun to spice up your relationship! Come in and see us today!